by Carrie Stockwell, Robert’s mother

Robert Henry Stockwell was named after two of the strongest men I ever knew, my grandfathers.  Little did Tom and I know how he would carry on the gift of their legacies.  It was shortly after Robert graduated from high school when the monster of all nightmares reared its ugly head in the form of stage 4 liver cancer.  Fibrolamellar Hepatocellular Carcinoma… an unpronounceable, extremely rare form of cancer for which there was no known cure.  We were devastated, in shock and left the doctor’s office without a shred of hope or possible direction. The 3 hour ride home felt like time was standing still yet our world was spinning off of its axis at warp speed.  Unbeknown to us, the “Gerd” and vomiting that started a few years before were early symptoms of this beast in its infancy.  If only we knew then what we know now!

The very next day our family rallied.  Our daughters, Sara and Laura, and I resorted to finding recipes and foods and juicing to fight cancer (as if that would help at this stage), Robert learned all he could about liver resections, studied the procedures and watched operations online, while Tom, doing what he does best, jumped into action, researching, calling cancer centers and doctors, making appointments, doing anything he could think of. It was unbelievable all the doctors we saw and procedures Robert had in the next few weeks. During this time we learned that his heart and lungs were also under attack. Robert was getting weaker and sicker by the time we ended up at our last resort, UCLA. One month to the day after diagnosis Robert was literally on his deathbed. By the grace of God and the power of the Universe he received a life-saving liver transplant and heart surgery at UCLA. If it weren’t for his dad Tom, whose tenacity, faith and positivity ultimately found two surgeons who took a chance and defied all odds and brought in their teams on President’s Day holiday we would have lost Robert that day. Clearly his time on Earth wasn’t up quite yet.  He spent 4 long weeks in the hospital with his sisters, Sara and Laura, Tom and me by his side.  We took residence either in his room or various close-by hotels.

The next three years were not spent at College as planned.  Instead, there were countless trips to Los Angeles for doctor appointments, scans, treatments, another major heart surgery, 2 spinal surgeries, just to name a few of his many surgeries and procedures, etc.  In the midst of fighting for his life, Robert continued learning, loving, sharing and keeping his wonderful sense of humor.  Robert was a natural in the technology arena; it is there where he was in his element.  He taught himself video editing and web design (no easy task), started his own Tech business and created multiple web sites that are still in use today. The two projects Robert was the most proud of were creating the Facebook page for UCLA transplant patients and the survey tool that he and his Dad created for fellow Fibro-fighters, where patients could pool their health results to see what was working and what was not. It wasn’t so much of a project but more of an honor, just as it was to become an ordained minister, so he could officiate at his sister Laura’s wedding to Ryan.

Volunteering at Ronald Reagan Medical Center at UCLA was extremely important to both Robert and the medical team; they formed a very close bond during his hospital stay.  We lived far from UCLA so he would do his “rounds” on the days we were there for appointments, before or after chemo treatments.  He would talk with, encourage or just listen to the transplant patients.  He was exhausted but it fulfilled him, he had to do it, nothing could keep him away.  After every visit he would say to me, “Mom, they say that I am helping them but I think they’re helping me… I don’t know who’s helping who. These people are incredible.”  Robert had an ache for the homeless and hungry, which deepened after his transplant. It could be because his liver donor was such an activist for the needy and volunteered much of his time as a missionary.  Every trip to L.A., Robert made sure he was fortified with gift cards to Subway or had some cash to give to those less fortunate than he.  He was so grateful to have a home, food to eat and a family who loved and supported him. He was also thankful to be in a position to help others who were less fortunate.

Robert was positive, kept trying and kept fighting. He did his best and then some. How he did it was truly amazing and reminds me of a quote from Martin Luther King Jr. “We must accept finite disappointment, but we must never lose infinite hope”.  I don’t mean to make it sound like he was jolly all the time and it was no big deal, that cancer didn’t affect him … to the contrary it did upset him, he felt tortured and some days were downright hard, there were definitely dark times. He received more bad news than good on a consistent basis. Disappointment was not only hearing the news, but the way it was delivered.  Often times it sounded like there was no hope when in actuality there were options, but many Oncologists are limited by institute policy, desire, time, ego, a closed mind.  SO disturbing!  Frustration would take its toll but Robert always came back around and made it a new day, with hope for a cure and strength to keep playing “whack-a-mole”. Cancer didn’t define Robert, it magnified who he was, and true to his namesake became one of the strongest men I will ever know.  I think this is what Robert would say to his fellow fighters:

• Don’t give up
• Don’t lose hope
• Don’t or be satisfied with nay-sayers, challenge their opinions
• Doctors are human — they cannot possibly know it all (although some may argue otherwise)
• Keep playing Whack-a-mole
• Let’s slay the fibrolamellar beast together

Robert tidbits: Signature delicious dishes: garlic mashed potatoes, sautéed spinach, banana bread, chocolate chip cookies.  Favorite holiday was Thanksgiving.  The sound of children playing, laughing, squealing melted his heart.  Excellent driver and navigator.  Did NOT like roller coasters.  Funny and talented impersonator.  Excellent teacher taught himself how to play the piano. Even as a little boy, wise beyond his years.  Dodger fan and got to meet his favorite player, Joc Pederson. Wanted to attend and graduate from UCLA.  As he got weaker, he enjoyed watching “I Love Lucy,” The Golden Girls”, “Three’s Company”, “Friends”, “Two and Half Men” and “Fixer Upper”.

– Carrie (Robert’s Mom)